My home nurse arrived shortly after my most recent posts went live and therefore caught the full brunt of my emotions. “I’m over it.” “I’ve been in pain for four months.” “I don’t care.” “I’m in a negative place today and don’t want to deal with it.” “This is bullshit.” She listened and calmly replied, “That’s OK. You’re entitled to feel like that sometimes,” and went about her business. She’s a great nurse.
The good news is, when we removed my appliance, the incision wounds were clean, and there was no sign of leakage. The bad news is there were also no real signs of healing. If anything, the wound was more pink, more raw than it was a few days ago. The skin looked healthy, but it remains a raw, open wound. The Eakin seal we used during the last appliance made today’s cleanup much more difficult, as the seal does not fully dissolve like stoma paste and instead leaves a crusty adhesive layer around the stoma that gets wrapped up in my hair and is difficult to remove. Because of this, the discomfort I felt from the seal’s rigidity, and the fact that using a seal exacerbates the fact that my stoma sits low, I opted against using an Eakin seal this time. Instead, we filled the wound with stoma powder and silver nitrate (to prevent infection), followed by stoma paste and barrier spray.
We were able to get a good seal, but the discomfort from the wound persists. The wound is just in a bad spot, always getting twisted or pressed on, so it’s unfortunately something I’m going to have to deal with until it heals. And that is going to take time. Quite possibly months—not weeks. But it is what it is, and I refuse to dwell on it any more today. I’m going to read a book, take a walk, try to figure out why Drew Carey is such a prick on The Price is Right, take a nap with my dogs, and get my head right.